Hello, Fello Weirdo!

You’ve found the first post on this blog. I think that makes you either an amazing sleuth, or a bored weirdo with nothing better to do. Either way, great work.

Now, it’s time to use your powers for good. That’s right, I’m giving you a mission. A quest, if you will. A… you get the point. Something better to do. Your mission – should you choose to accept it – is this: go do something else. Anything. Go outside, ride your bike, get a bike if you don’t have one. Go live! You’ll be doing something more interesting than reading this, and I’ll be doing something more interesting than writing it.

I’m not blaming you. It’s not your fault that your life has led you to this moment, where you are forcing me to write nonsense. So many things had to happen a certain way for you to end up here, and me to end up here too. If you think about it, it’s a real work of fate, or the gods, or whatever. We are simply pawns in a game we hardly understand. However, I just think we should try doing something else.

Maybe we won’t be able to. Maybe we are trapped in some cosmic vortex, like the swirling water exiting a drain and there’s no way to escape. Perhaps this is our escape. If you think about it, in a way, it is. It’s our escape from doing something else. Anything else. Everything else. That’s kind of profound, isn’t it?

I mean, think about it. We could literally be doing anything else. That’s so many things. An infinite array. Yet, here we are, trapped in this… trap. I can’t stop writing until you stop making me, and you can’t stop because, well, you’re probably curious where the hell this is all leading.

We both know it’s not leading anywhere. There’s no big payoff. There never is. Everything is anticlimactic at some point. Even climaxes fade. Wow, that was pretty profound too.

I guess I should say thank you for providing an opportunity for me to write such profound things. I wouldn’t have chosen this myself, but you drew it out of me. You’re good. You should be like a therapist or a consultant or something. I bet people would pay for this. Not me, but someone would. Oh for sure, there’s people out there with money to burn. You know that. Probably people who are spending their time right now being productive, unlike us. Heh. Well, good for them. But are they really enjoying life? All that work and no reading endless droning blog articles? Sigh. Probably.

Well I honestly don’t know how much more I have in me. I need to get to work writing article number two, and three, and so on. By the time you read this, I’ll hopefully be at hundreds, or thousands, or something. This article will be buried where it belongs, in the bowels of some forgotten archive. And you? Well you’ll be right here reading it, because you are you.

Don’t stop being you. But maybe do go find something better to do. Bye. And, as my grandpa used to say (assuming he’s long dead by the time you read this), “It’s been real. It’s been fun. But it hasn’t been real fun.”